Whole Grain Blog

Scott Baio Tweets!

“Wife calls Obama a ‘Shitfuck’ and I believe she’s right.”

This innocuous posting on Scott Baio’s Twitter/Whatever inspired a bunch of leftie responses, leading Baio to block people from his account, and eventually to his appearing on television with Glenn Beck, where they had the following exchange:

BAIO: … But and somebody said on the Twitter, why am I going against the grain in terms of my beliefs. And I said, I thought I was the grain. I thought the things that I believed in were the things that this country stood for. And there's very few things that I truly believe in and --

GLENN: Hang on just a wait a minute. I've got to go back to that. Why would you go against the grain on what you believe in?

BAIO: No, no. They felt that what I believed was against the grain.

GLENN: Yeah, but what difference does the grain make if you believe in something?

BAIO: Well, I don't know. And my argument was I thought I was the grain.

GLENN: You are.

BAIO: I thought the way that I thought in terms of politics and country

GLENN: Yeah.

BAIO: Were things that I grew up with. I believe in the military. I believe in people doing for themselves, which is what I was taught as a boy. You provide for yourself; don't look for anybody. I believe in keeping what you make, or most of it. And I believe in killing bad guys.

GLENN: See, that's the problem. That is the grain of America. But too many people see dismiss those, depending on what their party says they're for. The parties mean nothing. The candidates mean nothing. It's the grain. And if the candidate is for the grain, then okay, that's my guy.

Scott Baio is famous for being Chachi, and if you don’t know who that is you’re not alone. I don’t know what this “grain” business is all about. But if we could find that grain, and remove it from the horse’s hoof, maybe we could get the crops in on time, and save some money on veterinarian bills. That’s all I’m saying.

Good Writin’ from Frank Rich

“If Heene’s balloon was empty, so were the toxic financial instruments, inflated by the thin air of unsupported debt, that cratered the economy he inhabits.”

See, the toxic financial instruments, like Heene’s balloon, were empty. That is, there was no child being borne aloft by the toxic financial instruments.

Ted Rall demands it!

MR OBAMA: RESIGN NOW

And yet President Obama remains President. Once again, the will of Ted Rall has been thwarted.

Brent Bozell III, on the job.

On "Family Guy," the lead character tells his son that he should be the "best leader of the household" he can. So the son pushes his rear end into his sister's face and flatulates, and then punches his mother in the face. On "American Dad," a female dentist saves the lead character from a shooting. When she approaches for a hug, he punches her in the face and takes her gun. See the "hilarious" pattern?

…

On "Family Guy," a joke about the "extensive divorce procedure required by 18th century society" is illustrated by the lead character shooting his daughter dead with a musket. On "American Dad," there's so-called comedy in suggesting lawn sprinklers are a deadly household hazard. In a cautionary film, two little girls are shown playing catch with a doll, when one girl trips and lands on the sprinkler, which pokes through her chest cavity. The sprinkler showers the house, lawn and the other little girl with blood.

I like the scare quotes around “hilarious.” It lets the reader know in no uncertain terms that Brent Bozell III himself does not consider this hilarious at all. His readers, apparently, are subject to misconstruing his subtle messages.

I am curious as to what, exactly, Brent Bozell III would consider hilarious. Does he ever guffaw? Has milk ever come out his nose? Somehow I think not.

Afghanistan

So there’s this election run off, based on the premise that the first election was rigged, but now the guy running against the guy who allegedly rigged the election has dropped out, leaving the allegedly corrupt guy the only guy in the running for President. Send more troops!

This Is It!

THIS IS IT, the documentary of Michael Jackson rehearsing for his THIS IS IT tour, only made $32.5 million in its first five days in the U.S. and Canada, but pulled in $68.5 million in around a hundred other countries. It pulled in $10.4 million in Japan, $7.4 million in Britain, followed by less successful openings in Germany, France, Australia, and China.

Perhaps because we did not attend in the required droves, Michael Jackson remains expired. His THIS IS IT tour, therefore, will not occur.

Bridezillas

The Dread Wife is watching her DVRed queue of BRIDEZILLAS, a “reality” show which depicts horrible women planning and executing their weddings. Most of them, for some reason, seem to be from Staten Island. The odd thing is that the show is generally accompanied by advertisements which show happy families enjoying fine products in bliss and harmony, neither of which are states ever to be enjoyed by bridezillas.

Microsoft/Family Guy news

The much-anticipated Microsoft-sponsored special program of FAMILY GUY has been cancelled. Apparently somebody at Microsoft actually sat down and watched the show. Or read Brent Bozell III. Who doesn't strike me as a Mac guy.

Won't somebody save Blog Boy?

Mea Culpa?

Once again, sorry for abandoning this blog to dehydrate in the void. My only excuse is that I recently turned sixty, and it caused some unforeseen consequences in my psyche…

I didn’t want to be sixty. I wanted to be 59 again. For two weeks before my birthday, and two weeks after, I spent brooding. Brooding, however, I came to realize, is a young man’s game. Brooding after a certain age does not come across as brooding, which can be sexy in a young person, but in older persons is merely perceived as “grouchy.” Brooding can be considered sexy. The most grouchiness can achieve is a kind of “cute,” as in: “Aw, look at that grouchy old guy. Let me take your picture with him!” Who needs that?

I also became concerned that my aversion to, say, Twitter, was not a response to its vapidity, but more an indicator of my own incipient geezerness. Moreover, I felt that my blog was just one blog among twelvety. My opinions, intelligent and irreplaceable as they may well be, are just a drop in the data bucket. Everybody’s a writer now. Everybody has opinions. And everybody puts them out there for free. Chris Anderson notwithstanding (he wrote the book FREE, which says that we can make money by giving ideas away; well of course HE can – he’s the editor of WIRED and therefore has both a job and credibility, and can make oodles of money giving lectures about how you can give yourself away), I have not found the New Economy conducive to making a goddam living.

But I am letting all that go.

I came across a study saying that young people do not get Twitter; it’s mainly embraced by folks over 35. So it’s not just me! I hate Twitter too! I’m still young! Ish!

And I’ve read that blogs are now so last week. That will thin the herd! Look out, DAILY KOS, LITTLE GREEN FOOTBALLS. Only my blog will be left standing! Soon I too will be self-important!

Speaking of which – I feel free to say this now – I don’t get HUFFINGTON POST. I enjoy various posts there, but I don’t see why it exists. A kajillion bloggers, some good, some not, blogging for free, near as I can tell, or near free, just to give Arianna Huffington the gravitas she needs to attend A-list parties.

Thanks. I feel better now.

Shiny objects!

I made a solemn vow a few years back to never ever ever watch television news again. I have fallen off that wagon occasionally, and become inadvertently mesmerized by solemn men and women as they stand adjacent to the scene of some disaster, venturing opinions on what might be happening should something actually happen; but by and large, I have successfully steered clear of the whole enchilada, and my digestion has improved enormously, not to mention my knowledge of actual news.

So I missed the whole balloon boy thing. Of course I caught up with it on the radio, and newspapers, and online. I understand that America, and the world, watched transfixed as a strange-looking runaway balloon floated around Colorado, a balloon which may or may not have had a small boy as a passenger. But as we learned, there was no boy on the balloon. So basically America and the world was watching a strange-looking runaway balloon for no reason at all, other than it was shiny.

In the aftermath of the event (which may eventually include the father of the child being charged with fraud for engineering the whole thing as a publicity stunt to land him and his family a reality television show), there was much chiding of viewers and the media by viewers and the media for giving in and watching the balloon.

This behavior is called, of course, having your cake and eating it too. You videotape yourself eating the cake, and then replay that video endlessly, chiding both yourself and the viewer for watching it, even though the cake is long gone, if in fact it ever was.

Some among us have been trying to find the Lesson In All This, though it seems pretty obvious.

As it happens I had seen Mr. Heene and his family before, on WIFE SWAP. (Yes, while I have imposed restrictions upon myself regarding television news, I have no such restrictions when it comes to reality television. I watch reality television avidly, to discover when, if ever, actual reality will intrude upon the experience. So far, no evidence has been found.)

I remember the father as being both energetic and nuts. He is a storm chaser, and his wife his enthusiastic supporter, and their children out of control. Mr Heene’s also way into UFOs, and his WIFE SWAP wife, a psychic from Florida, who did not convince Mr. Heene to discipline his unruly children more, did (if memory serves) convince him that one of them might be an extra-terrestrial. Mr. Heene struck me as a guy who would be fun to be around for about fifteen minutes, and then you’d start looking desperately for the nearest exit. (I just read that one of the supposed reasons Mr. Heene staged this runaway balloon gag, if indeed he staged it, was to get reality teevee money fast, before 2012, and the Mayan Prophecy comes true; he wants to build a bunker for his family’s hunkering, so they can all be dead in a safe place when the sun explodes.)

Mr. Heene had a YouTube Channel, now gone. In one video he dressed up in a brassiere, to rant about Britney Spears. In another he made a claim, whether as a joke or not, that Hillary Clinton may in fact be a reptilian alien.

For those of you who follow that sort of thing (and I do), the reptilian alien theory was first posited (I believe by David Icke), once a British soccer player and sportscaster, who has since carved out his niche in the world of loons with his theory that all of human history is secretly controlled by disguised reptilian aliens.

Followers of true crime may recall that the 1999 New Mexico murderer of Girly Chu Hossencofft claimed to be a reptilian shape shifter at his trial.

So what does all this mean? Well, clearly, human beings are doomed as a species. If it’s not reptilian aliens, it’s our own refusal to stop watching the news.

At least balloon boy is safe. He was hiding in the attic the whole time. An activity I recommend to all of you. If you don’t have an attic, get one. Now.

I got your intelligence right here!

Liz Sidoti of The Associated Press recently posted an interesting article, which states in part: “Obama has been a constant presence in the mass media as he expands the bureaucracy's reach into the private sector.... In doing so, he has created a quandary. Put aside for a moment the question of whether government is actually intruding into people's lives more than before. The point is that many people feel like it is -- in part because Obama doesn't stop talking about his goals. If President George W. Bush got slapped around for being inarticulate, is Obama obnoxiously articulate?”

“Obnoxiously articulate.” How dare he be well-spoken? His very presence of mind is a chiding! He shames us. Shun him.

It’s an interesting concept, especially in today’s times, when I think that sometimes I can actually see America’s i.q. points rising and falling, like barometric pressure.

Glorious Knights of the Oingo Bloggo

Fail!
Poor neglected blog. Protective services will come and take you away from me if I’m not more attentive. Poor little blog will be sent to live with foster parents in Idaho, who will only take it in for the tax advantages, and do unspeakable things to it in the basement.

New book by Jack Boulware and Silke Tudor!
GIMME SOMETHING BETTER is an oral history of punk in the Bay Area. Just out (as of September 21, I believe.) I’m in it! Briefly. Duck’s Breath Mystery Theatre was the opening act for the Ramones the first time they played in San Francisco. It wasn’t very pleasant at the time (comedy does not play well with a deafened audience), but it certainly is a good story now. And the Ramones were totally great people. (We actually met them later, again, when we were staying at the Tropicana in LA, the same time they were, while recording with Phil Spector.)

Really entertaining book. Favorite quote: “I farted so bad, Dave quit the band.”

Sport, in the OC
Mark Whicker writes a sports column for the OC Register. Recently, he wrote this:

It doesn't sound as if Jaycee Dugard got to see a sports page.

Box scores were not available to her from June 10, 1991 until Aug. 31 of this year.

She never saw a highlight. Never got to the ballpark for Beach Towel Night. Probably
hasn't high-fived in a while.

She was not allowed to spike a volleyball. Or pitch a softball. Or smack a forehand down
the line. Or run in a 5-footer for double bogey.

Now, that's deprivation.

Readers were baffled and offended, but personally I’d be curious to know if she even knows what a double bogey is. I’m sure I don’t.

More nuttiness that seems to go unchallenged.
Talk show America seems to think that President Obama’s health plan includes compulsory circumcision.

It doesn’t.

But while we’re on the subject, apparently there is a medical opinion out there that circumcised males run a decreased risk of getting AIDS. Well, okay. I’m uncircumcised myself, putting me in a minority in America. Apologies to my cut brothers, but circumcision makes absolutely no sense to me. Why not remove our eyes so we don’t have to wear glasses when we grow up? Why not remove our fingernails to obviate the need for clippers?

As for reducing the risk of AIDS, well, don’t have unprotected sex with folks who have it. No need to cut off part of your penis to spite your… I dunno. Whatever.

Obama talks to schoolchildren! Grab your guns and go to ground!
More nuttiness here. Some people feared that President Obama, when he addressed our nation’s children, was going to … what? Show subliminal Socialist messages? Brainwash them into adoration?

I seem to recall that on 9/11 President Bush was discovered on camera reading a book to schoolchildren. Hmmm.

From a forum. Re: condoms.
“I heard that they were made from lamb or some meat product and I'm vegan, so I was just wondering... Any replies would be appreciated.”

No, you can eat condoms without sacrificing your vegan principles. Thanks for asking!

Patrick Buchanan strikes again.
He apparently has come to believe that Adolph Hitler was a pacifist.

“But if Hitler was out to conquer the world — Britain, Africa, the Middle East, the United States, Canada, South America, India, Asia, Australia — why did he spend three years building that hugely expensive Siegfried Line to protect Germany from France? Why did he start the war with no surface fleet, no troop transports and only 29 oceangoing submarines?…”

Because he was insane? And maybe he didn't want to conquer the world. Maybe he wanted to see it burn.

Michael Jackson paternity news!
Two candidates for the father of Blanket:

Macaulay Culkin.
Mark “Oliver” Lester

Facebook v. MySpace
From a talk given by Danah Boyd to the National Democracy Forum:
“… MySpace has become the ‘ghetto’ of the digital landscape. The people there are more likely to be brown or black and to have a set of values that terrifies white society. And many of us have habitually crossed the street to avoid what is seen as the riffraff.

“The fact that digital migration is revealing the same social patterns as urban white flight should send warning signals to everyone out there. And if we think back to the language used by teens who use Facebook when talking about MySpace, we should be truly alarmed.”

Well, let me ask you this, Mr. Concerned White Guy - who is terrified by MySpace, exactly? I go there quite a bit, because it’s the site of choice for indie musicians to post links to their CDs, host videos, etc. If white kids may do not go there to “hang,” maybe that’s because MySpace doesn’t offer the wide array of time-wasting lame quizzes and games that Facebook has to offer. Does MySpace have Mafia Wars? I rest my case.

“Urban white flight?” How can I put this? Facebook is not a real place. MySpace is not a real place. If you flee from either of those sites, you are not really going anywhere. You are sitting at your computer, or gawking open-mouthed at your cell phone. There is no such thing as “digital migration.” But good luck with your book deal.

Favorite recent post on Freecycle
“I am planning to get married at in Las Vegas later this month and don't have anything to wear. I am looking for something Vegasy, but white to be in tune with the occasion, and now everything in the stores is dark for winter. I don't want a traditional ‘wedding dress’, just something dressy and white and perhaps a bit sexy. So, if anyone has such an item lurking in the back of her closet that she has no more use for, let me know.”

Freecycle, for those who don’t know, is a Yahoo club dedicated to giving away/picking up stuff for free. I can see asking for a wedding dress for nothing – that’s punk sensibility in action! But to get picky about it? “…something dressy and white and perhaps a bit sexy.” That’s just wrong. Get yourself a burlap bag, or some tarp, and start hitchhiking.

Warning! Study Alert!
NYT: “Last week, researchers at Stanford University published a study showing that the most persistent multitaskers perform badly in a variety of tasks. They don’t focus as well as non-multitaskers. They’re more distractible. They’re weaker at shifting from one task to another and at organizing information. They are, as a matter of fact, worse at multitasking than people who don’t ordinarily multitask.”

Headline from Huffington Post
“The Terrible Moral Emptiness of Quentin Tarantino Is Wrecking His Films”

So become Stanley Kramer, Quentin, and bore us to death. Thank you.

News from other lands: Take that, Michelle Obama!
Miyuki Hatohama, the wife of Japan’s new prime minister claims that she has flown, while asleep, “on a triangular-shaped UFO to Venus," which was "an extremely beautiful place and was very green." She also says she knew Tom Cruise in a previous life when the actor was incarnated as Japanese. On a talk show she said she likes to "eat the sun. … It gives me enormous energy. My husband has recently started doing that too."

A random forum post:
“…any girls on here who enjoy crushing toy cars with high heel shoes?”

A headline on informingchristian.com
“Marie Osmond Excepting of Lesbian Daughter”

Past the news cycle, but still creepy.
At Farrah’s funeral, Ryan O'Neal in VANITY FAIR: "I had just put the casket in the hearse and was watching it drive away when a beautiful blonde woman comes up and embraces me. I said to her, 'You have a drink on you? You have a car?' She said, 'Daddy, it's me--Tatum!' I was just trying to be funny with a strange Swedish woman, and it's my daughter. It's so sick."

You got that right! Perhaps someday he will learn to except her as she is. Just keep her away from your toy car collection. You never know.

Inglorious Blogsterds

Tarantino
I have to admit, I’ve liked all of Quentin Tarantino’s movies. I contrast his movies with the Coen Brothers’. I go up and down with the Coen Brothers. I just saw BURN AFTER READING, and a more pointless movie I can’t imagine. Despite a great cast, and some funny scenes, the movie ended up pretty much as a series of coincidences that could have led anywhere other than where it did end up. Maybe that’s the point. There was no interaction between the various story threads. It was like a farce without the central elements of farce. Contrast it to IN THE LOOP, the best comedy I’ve seen in ages, in which it is made clear at every step how the interactions between moral idiots can lead to global disaster.

And then there was the Coen Brothers’ much praised previous movie, NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN, which I haven’t seen. I read the book. I’m a huge admirer of Cormac McCarthy, but I thought that book was total jive – giving us this outre pyscho central figure and trying to have us believe that he stood for some kind of central Evil in the Heart of Man. He was just a pyscho with a thingie that stuns cattle! The whole book was, like, effectual psycho does something horrible, ineffectual hero tries to salvage something from life, ineffectual Sheriff pontificates. Pfui, as Nero Wolfe might say. I suspect the movie was pretty much the same.

Wait, what was I talking about?

Tarantino!
I’ll wait on INGLORIOUS BASTERDS until it hits what used to be called “video,” but as I understand it, it’s about a bunch of undercover soldiers killing Nazis, and eventually killing Hitler himself.

This, no doubt, will prove controversial. But I’m wondering if the time has come, too soon perhaps, when Hitler and Nazis enter the realm of HAGAR THE HORRIBLE, when Hitler and Nazis become a cartoon, a bedtime story to scare your children into proper behavior, a dim evil figure that can be swatted about, and broken like a pinata at birthday parties. And from Hitler’s broken body: candy!

From the dress code at Bob Jones University:
“Abercrombie & Fitch and its subsidiary Hollister have shown an unusual degree of antagonism to the name of Christ and an unusual display of wickedness in their promotions. In protest, articles displaying their logos are not acceptable to be worn, carried, or displayed (even if covered or masked in some way).”

Svedka Vodka
It has come to my attention that Svedka Vodka runs ads featuring some kind of hooter-heavy “female” robot called Svedka that… does something. People are outraged! We’re supposed to be sexually attracted to a robot? And drink vodka? That is just wrong.

Trend?
Chicken farming in the city. It’ll make you feel good about yourself, and irritate the neighbors.

Death panel alert!
Oh please. Can we just stop this now? I just visited my folks (88 and 82), and they’re not living in fear. Really.

We've got to get ourselves back to the blog

Get YOURSELF back to the garden, it was your idea.
Been away from this blog for a few weeks, writing a Woodstock radio documentary, WOODSTOCK: 40 YEARS ON, hosted by David Dye from World Cafe. Listen for it in August on an NPR station near you. On it you will hear Pete Townshend clocking Abbie Hoffman! If you don’t know what that means, well, you’re probably not a baby boomer. Lucky you.

Animal moments
Outside Macy’s, after lunch with my daughter, we spotted a beggar on the street with a hound dog sleeping, and a cat sleeping on the hound dog. Many cell phone cameras from tourists and passersby took pictures of the phenomenon, mine among them.

And the Ominous Other and I were at a yard sale a few weekends back. One of the tables was “manned” by a sixty-ish woman in capris pants. A card on her table had her occupation as “Creativity Consultant.” She had a little dog, a chihuahua mix, that she had trained to scoot on a skateboard. The little dog actually performed this activity for the benefit of onlookers. It was pretty cool, but the coolness was offset by the rather frightened look the dog had on its face while scooting. It seemed to be thinking, “Must scoot, else I will be scourged.” Of course, that is anthropomorphism on my part, but I’ll still stand by that judgment.

Birthers
Those who believe that President Obama was actually born in Kenya, and not Hawaii, now have a name. They are called “birthers.”

The main branch of Shi’ia Muslims are called “Twelvers.” Apparently, many of them believe that there is an Imam among us who is invisible, or hiding, and has been around since 872 AD. Maybe Obama is that guy? Just asking.

Amazon Woman on the Moon
Amazon took heat in July for recalling copies of George Orwell’s 1984 and ANIMAL FARM from its popular Kindle device. Apparently this was a result of a dispute with the book’s publisher, but it did generate a certain amount of controversy. The incident could be perceived as being “Orwellian,” after all.

Here's the message I'm getting. Once a book appears on line, it is no longer a book. It is now a service. If you purchase a book for your Kindle, you don’t own it. Amazon has just leased reading rights to you. You can’t pass the book on to somebody else when you’re done with it. And Amazon can snatch it back any time it feels like.

And here’s another thing….
James Wolcott in VANITY FAIR wonders what will happen when physical magazines, books, records, and movies finally disappear?

He writes, “As all this space opens up—as the tokens of our cultural snobbery or keen connoisseurship… recede into the hideaway shelves and flash drives—what will refill it?”

And whither the collector? Whither the snob? Whither the geekboy?

Further:
NYT: “In the short term, the industry that may have the most to gain from augmented reality is gaming. Although video games have traditionally pulled players out of the real world and into a virtual one, augmented-reality games have the potential to ‘engage people in the real world in a different way,’ said Daniel Sánchez-Crespo, a project leader at Novarama, a game developer based in Barcelona. ‘It finds a new meaning for space. Your kitchen counter is not just where you prepare dinner; it can be a virtual racetrack for a car game.’”

And: “’The real world is way too boring for many people,’ Mr. Sánchez-Crespo said with a laugh. ‘By making the real world a playground for the virtual world, we can make the real world much more interesting.’”

There you have it. In the boring world to come, vision itself will become a pay-as-you-go service.

News from other lands
Reuters: “German prosecutors in Nuremberg have launched an investigation into whether an artist's gold-coloured gnome giving a stiff-armed Hitler salute violates the country's strict laws against the use of Nazi symbols.”

I have seen this gnome. It appears to me that he is more wave-y than salute-y, but I am not as familiar with the fascist lawn gnome trope as I probably should be.

State fair news!
The butter sculpture of Michael Jackson at the Iowa State Fair has been banned. The State Fair’s people issued a statement which read in part, “Conservatives and traditionalists find themselves opposed to Jackson’s depiction in butter. The allegations of paedophilia and blatant bizarre behaviour are simply too much for them. Then we have PETA, which often goes to the extreme left to make its point. Both factions are likely voting as fast as they can to keep Jackson out of the exhibit for different reasons.”

Just so they leave the pork tent alone.

More MJ
The latest rumor has it that Michael Jackson, at the time of his death, no longer had a nose.

Brent Bozell III, ladies and gentlemen!
His July 22 column chides liberals for being too mean to Rush Limbaugh.

And Wesley Pruden!
He has a blog! On Al Franken: “…the way he got to Washington, and the easy acceptance of fraud, will be remembered as typical of the times, an era when avarice reigned, and the clever swindle was a joke to be played by a clown.” Al Franken stole the election from Norm Coleman, it seems.

Not so sound like a conservative or anything, but….
Sacha Baron Cohen once again invades America with his sneaky persona-driven confrontations. This time around he’s masquerading as gay Austrian eurotrash, and I gather he confronts typical American janes and joes around homophobia and such.

Much has already been written about whether there’s really a satirical point to all this – he’s playing a flaming stereotypical queen being all in-your-face to folks who view gay men as flaming stereotypical queens. What, exactly, is being mocked?

As far as I know, Mr. Cohen was never beaten up or shot in the course of his pranks here. I wonder how his antics would play out in Saudi Arabia, North Korea, or Afghanistan? Just asking.

Anthony Lane, in the NEW YORKER: “BRUNO ends appallingly, with a musical montage of Sting, Bono, Elton John, and other well-meaners assisting mein Host in a sing-along. Here’s the deal, apparently: if celebrities aren’t famous enough for your liking (Ron Paul, Paula Abdul), or seem insufficiently schooled in irony, you make vicious sport of them, but if they’re A-listers, insanely keen to be in on the joke, they can join your congregation.”

Henry Louis Gates Jr.
What was THAT all about? A professor was inconvenienced. The nation erupts in… something.

Judith Warner has a blog with the New York Times: “The clash in Cambridge about ID and racial profiling, about identity and expectation and respect was just a snippet of our culture’s ongoing meta-narrative about race.”

Can we stop having “meta-narratives” now, please? And that goes for meta-narrative snippets as well. Thank you.

Blog Go Boom

The Fair
I just got back from the Marin County State Fair. The Dread Wife wanted to go into the Petting Zoo to pet the wallaby. Not getting the pleasure from petting wallabies, goats, deer, or even swine that I once did, I stayed behind, thus affording America's Youth greater and more Petting Opportunities.

While waiting for the Child Bride to Pet, my time was spent (1) aiding a young boy in search of a garbage can by directing him to said receptacle, and (2) aiding an elderly lady in figuring out how to work the hand-washing station by the Petting Zoo (hint: foot pedals).

When my Intimidating Other emerged from the Petting Zoo, and I informed her of my good deeds. She told me that my taking pictures of her petting the wallaby was misinterpreted by a Mom in the Zoo. The Mom was flashing me dirty looks and shielding her daughter with her own body, lest images of the child wind up on the Internets.

I therefore wonder am I the secret hero of the Marin County Fair, or an inadvertent voyeur pedophile? I ate some bleu cheese fries, and a Polish, if that helps.

The Cliffhanger
We stood watching fairgoers indulge in this ride. Towards the end of its duration, a blonde boy, around nine years old I’d judge, vomited mightily, some bits of which sprayed several onlookers at a high velocity. Fun!

In other news…
Speaking of alleged pedophiles, much has been written about Michael Jackson, in the wake of his death, which may turn out to be as weird as he was. A writer I like, James Howard Kunstler, wrote in his blog: “It's fascinating to follow the coverage of Michael Jackson's death, but especially the lavish tributes to his ‘genius’ and general wonderfulness. He was, in fact, a monster, and an apt reflection of America's extreme collective cultural confusion. He was a distillation of the lies America tells itself. He was infantile, grandiose, horrifying, and probably dangerous.”

“A distillation of the lies America tells itself.” Was this a role Jackson chose for himself, or a role thrust upon him? If it’s even true. What, after all, does this mean? What lies? About race? About sexuality? What?

Perhaps Mr. Kunstler should stick to dystopian speculations, and leave the King of Pop alone. He may have been a monster, in the sense that he was unique, and separate from the rest of us, and may even have been a pedophile. I remain unconvinced. His weirdness was the offshoot of a life deprived of childhood, and his talent emerged from that fact.

The nation’s horror of child molestation (despite the prevalence of it) was confounded by Jackson. His popularity did not wane as much as might one might expect. He was not shunned, at least. This may be because Michael Jackson did not want to have sex with seven year olds. Maybe he wanted to be seven years old.

Darwin bashing, from Patrick Buchanan.
He notes the “…publication of ‘The End of Darwinism: And How a Flawed and Disastrous Theory Was Stolen and Sold,’ by Eugene G. Windchy, a splendid little book ....

“That Darwinism has proven ‘disastrous theory’ is indisputable.

"’Karl Marx loved Darwinism,’ writes Windchy. ‘To him, survival of the fittest as the source of progress justified violence in bringing about social and political change, in other words, the revolution.’

"’Darwin suits my purpose,’ Marx wrote.

“Darwin suited Adolf Hitler's purposes, too.

"’Although born to a Catholic family Hitler become a hard-eyed Darwinist who saw life as a constant struggle between the strong and the weak. His Darwinism was so extreme that he thought it would have been better for the world if the Muslims had won the eighth century battle of Tours, which stopped the Arabs' advance into France. Had the Christians lost, (Hitler) reasoned, Germanic people would have acquired a more warlike creed and, because of their natural superiority, would have become the leaders of an Islamic empire.’

“Charles Darwin also suited the purpose of the eugenicists and Herbert Spencer, who preached a survival-of-the-fittest social Darwinism to robber baron industrialists exploiting 19th-century immigrants.”

And this is Darwin’s fault, how? It’s like blaming the Beatles for Charles Manson.

Buchanan writes, “Darwin…stole his theory from Alfred Wallace, who had sent him a ‘completed formal paper on evolution by natural selection.’”

That’s not even remotely true. Darwin did not steal his theory from Wallace. They came up with their theories independently. Wallace’s work did spur Darwin to finally publish ORIGIN OF SPECIES, after years of putting it off. Wallace became one of Darwin’s biggest defenders.

“… Darwinists still have not explained the origin of life, nor have they been able to produce life from non-life.”

And some non-Darwinist HAS explained the origin of life, and produced life from non-life?

Buchanan concludes: “Darwinism is not science. It is faith. Always was.”

This idea that Darwinism is some kind of religious cult is a relatively new trope. Evolution simply means that things change over time. How can you argue with that? And how is that “faith?

More Buchanan
He hosted a conference in June, discussing future Republican strategies to regain a majority. One discussion involved supporting English-only intitiatives. The banner above the English-only adherents misspelled conference as “Conferenece.”

News from the easily offended….
Slate, on the 4th of July: “Then, a bit after 8 p.m., the sun will set. The civilized thing to do at this juncture would be to go home, kick back with a little John Locke, and pass out fast. But, no, we must reckon with the stupid fireworks, an integral part of the Fourth of July since 1777, when they befouled the skies above Boston and Philadelphia. Even if you manage to avoid actually looking at their meaningless nonsense—which is essentially the same nonsense, show after show, year after year—their noise will disturb what should have been a pleasant lack of consciousness. Do we not have an unalienable right to be left alone?”

Pull a pillow over your head, and shut up.

More news from the mysteriously offended…
Michael Wolff on Mrs. Sanford, in newser: “Jenny Sanford is haughty, self-righteous, condescending, and an egomaniac….”

Does Mr. Wolff really believe this, or is he just being provocative in the hope that more people might read him?

Finally!
I received a robo-call the other day. A woman’s voice warned me of a “kitten damage alert.” Alarmed, I listened carefully. It turned out she was talking about a “kidney damage alert.” Thank God! The kittens are safe.

Notice
I have chosen to resign as governor of Alaska.

Fire This Blog

My million dollar idea.
Al Pacino as Phil Spector. I thought of it first! Somebody send me money. I accept PayPal.

Has anybody besides me…
…noticed a resemblance between Benjamin Netanyahu and Zeppo Marx? (He was the unfunny Marx brother.)

Moses Ma overheating re Twitter, in PSYCHOLOGY TODAY
“To me, the twitterverse is like a river of human awareness, composed of billions of tiny 140 character molecules -- each a snapshot of life or a thought or a reflection. A river of pure information that equals energy, according to the laws of quantum thermodynamics and stochastic processes. A river of life flowing by us as we meditate at its bank like some Siddhartha wannabe, in tattered jeans and Oakley sunglasses instead of orchid robes and begging bowl. And now, after long last, we see.”

Or now, after long last, we don’t see. From Good Morning Silicon Valley: underheating re Twitter, and Iran
“…[W]hile Twitter's technology makes it particularly difficult to stifle, the fact that it has remained viable also makes it fertile ground for surveillance and disinformation efforts. It's assumed that the government is monitoring the major streams and hashtagged aggregations, so first-hand reporting and mobilization information needs to be tweeted circumspectly there or fractured off into less visible channels. Security personnel are reportedly setting up Twitter accounts and posing as protesters to mislead or entrap. Twitter users outside Iran were urged to complicate government efforts to identify local dissidents by changing their time-zone and location settings to make it appear as if they were in Tehran, which may or may not hobble the authorities but certainly makes it harder for everyone else to distinguish the real front-line sources. Throw in the rumors and conspiracy theories and general noise of various third parties and you're looking at landscape where identity, location, credibility, motivation and agenda are all cast into doubt. Accurate and valuable information will continue to trickle out of Iran through Twitter, but it may take the skills of a CIA analyst to find it in the fog.”

Digital television!
Is here! Digital television is now! Thank you Congress for ushering couch spuds everywhere into a sharply defined wonderland of multi-channel crapola. LAW AND ORDER has never looked better!

In case you were wondering….
A stochastic process is, roughly, a random process. Its outcome depends upon unpredictable variables. Stochastic processes include war, meteorology, capitalism, and, after long last, Twitter.

All a twitter!
At least the blogosphere is, around David Letterman who, earlier in June, made some remarks about Sarah Palin and family that were deemed offensive. In his Top Ten List he deemed Sarah Palin’s clothing style “slutty flight attendant,” and elsewhere on his show made some lame joke about Palin’s daughter getting knocked up by Alex Rodriguez. (I would have described Sarah Palin's attire as more "flirty event planner" myself.)

So now we have firedavidletterman.com. It is run by conservative erstwhile talk show host John Ziegler who, as it happens, is working on a documentary about Sarah Palin. On that site, besides pleas to sign a petition, you will read, “62 Year Old Letterman Violates Common Decency With Sexist Insults of 14 Year Old Girl.” Well, he wasn’t insulting the 14 year old daughter, he was insulting the other one, you know, the one who got knocked up? But never mind… What I want to know is, what is common decency, exactly?

Rush Limbaugh weighed in: “The bottom line here is the joke's inappropriate whether the age of the woman is 14, 18, or 40.” I seem to recall that Rush Limbaugh once made a crack about Chelsea Clinton, when she was 13, calling her the White House dog. I got your common decency right here.

In the meantime….
The leaders of Iran appear to have bungled a coup that was probably unnecessary in the first place. Not entirely sure though. Gotta check Twitter.

Finally, in the interests of common decency, this news, sent me by the Wee Wife: Parents Throw Graduation for Ohio High School Students Caught in Cheating Scandal. "The Ceremony They Deserved." (By Meredith Heagney, from the Columbus Dispatch)

All along Main Street, people stopped what they were doing to cheer for the Centerburg High School Class of 2009.

A gas-station worker stepped outside and whooped. A woman dropped a bag of hot dog buns in her front yard and applauded. A few people had made cardboard signs of support: "Way to go class of '09."

Ninety-three graduates in crimson robes and mortarboards filed past and smiled for pictures. They were on their way to Centerburg Community Memorial Park, where hundreds gathered yesterday in folding chairs and on picnic tables for a makeshift graduation ceremony.

On Thursday, the Centerburg school board canceled the traditional ceremony planned for yesterday, citing a cheating scandal that started with a student hacking into the school's computer system and stealing tests. About half the seniors cheated or knew of the cheating and didn't report it, district officials said.

All the students' diplomas except the hacker's were released to their parents, who decided to give their kids what the Knox County district wouldn't.

The sunny ceremony wasn't the formal affair that would've taken place at the high school, but instead a slightly rowdy yet heartfelt imitation of a typical commencement, complete with a recorded version of Pomp and Circumstance.

"I didn't think we were going to have anything," said Leeza Smith, 18, whose eyes were red from crying. "The parents, they really made our day."

Several seniors marveled at the turnout as they took their seats on metal folding chairs atop a concrete platform. Before them, a small wooden stage held silver balloons and a bucket of red roses.

A few feet from them, two TV cameras filmed the event, crowded by little kids in jean shorts who wanted a closer look.

No administrators or staff members took part in the ceremony. Several times throughout, the students were applauded for overcoming the adversity of having had their ceremony canceled.
One by one, the graduates were called by name to the front of the stage to receive a rose. They weaved through the crowd to find their parents, who handed them their diplomas.

Carol Andrews couldn't stop squeezing daughter Caitlin. As a mom, she still wished her daughter had had a traditional, more formal, graduation, she said.

But, she added: "I think this is even more memorable. I'm just very proud of the community and the way they came together to give these kids the ceremony they deserved."